Write an essay on the difference, if any, between the communication styles of men and women.
MLA Style, College Level Essay
Communication & Gender
One of the first people to bring out the differences between the conversations styles of men and women was Deborah Tannen, in her bestseller book ‘You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation’ (William Morrow, 1990). According to her, men view conversations as a contest of ‘power’ and as ‘negotiations’ in which their aim is to achieve status and independence and avoid being coming out as the ‘weakest’ player. On the other hand, women view conversations as a means to connecting with others, networking and finding a common ground. However, the author believes that there is no ‘right way’ of communicating and each gender should learn from the other (Richard Koonce, Language,Sex and Power: Women and Men at the Workplace).
At the workplace specially, the dilemma that exists is based on the ‘gender-gap’ and how to deal with it. According to Karen Curnow McCluskey in the article-Gender at work, this can be done be following two goals. One is to understand and accept that there is a difference between the genders and to raise awareness about the same. Second is by teaching people various techniques to communicate more effectively with each other. Employees should start by having a ‘gender talk’ and be genuinely interested in the differences that exist between the genders, and then move towards reducing the gender gap.
And Culture…
It is also widely believed that socialization has a strong impact on our styles of communication. Some feel that disparity in the communication styles lies in the different approaches to parenting adopted by the parent as soon as they find out the gender of their child. Specifically, ‘a son is raised to succeed; a daughter is raised to be happy’ (Judy Mann, Growing up females in America). Alternatively, the communication difference is also attributed to the ‘ultimate cross-cultural difference’ leading to difficulties faced due to language barriers, which often stem from our varied cultures (George Simons). For example, it is believed that Asians have a tendency to be more restrained in their approach towards the elders, out of respect, which has implications in the workplace. This goes to show how complexity of cultures can lead to influence gender-linked behavior (Karen Curnow McCluskey, Gender at work).
According to Connie Glaser, author of ‘Gender Talk Works: 7-Steps for Cracking the Gender Code at Work’, humor is interpreted by men and women differently. Men use casual humor as means to establish status and exert power, but women wouldn’t do that. Their approach is more focused towards flattening the hierarchy and establishing relationships. Women conversing in a group may change the topic of their conversation if a man joins them, in order to make him feel ‘included’. They might also hold back their opinions or questions in a meeting or the ‘fear of interrupting’ (Margery Weinstein, The difference between boys and girls..at the office).
Elinor Spieler in ‘Beyond Male-Female Stereotypes’ proposes a new model of communication – in which ‘culture’ is a crucial element, besides gender, that impacts different communication styles – which are classified as ‘M Culture’ and ‘F Culture’. Those who are more comfortable in the ‘M Culture’ are those who relate to their coworkers more competitively, are striving to win, and encourage direct communication. While those from the ‘F Culture’ relate to their coworkers more collaboratively, striving to achieve a relationship and prefer indirect communication. Elinor states that coworkers can work towards improving communication amongst each other by making effective changes both inward and outward. This is done by conducting a personal reevaluation by undertaking activities such as becoming self-aware and more comfortable with the fact that individual preferences do exist. On the outward, one should become a better observer, communicate more about the differences that exist and always keep his sense of humor.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
- Richard Koonce Language, Sex and Power: Women and Men at the Workplace (1997)
- Karen Curnow McCluskey Gender at work (1997)
- Margery Weinstein The difference between boys and girls..at the office (2006)
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